This week I’ve felt as though the world is crashing down on me, and I don’t know how much longer I can go on for, I’m usually a very positive and cheerful person unfortunately at the moment I’m a bit of an emotional wreck.
All three babies were moved from incubators to cots and Alistair and Bradley seem to be adapting just fine, can’t say the same about Cole though as his tiny body was losing a lot of heat and had to be put back in….it’s how it is with premies unfortunately, you go two steps forward get your hopes up and then you go another step back. Cole, bless him is still the smallest of the three and the only one struggling to put on weight, and although I feel blessed just for the fact I have them with me, it’s heart breaking to see his brothers progressing and not him.
Due to obvious reasons, (above) we won’t be going back when we expected and of course it’s killing me inside to know I won’t see Peter and Evan just yet, which is so hard because a cuddle from them is exactly what I need to keep me going at this point.
My sister has been here the whole week and has been of great help with the babies and so supportive, but she too will be returning to Gibraltar this weekend L
Before my three musketeers came along I thought it was hard to be away from Evan and Peter but now, I find myself coming “home” at night at 2 or 3 am and all I want to do is grab my three boys and run, because it’s so hard to have to leave them behind, my heart has been torn into a million pieces, and I just wish I could skip right to the end of the finished puzzle, because this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face……..BUT just when I feel I can’t take any more of this, I get the most amazing smile from one of my babies and suddenly everything feels better and I can’t help but smile right back at him, and that’s how I find my strength I guess!!